I'm still alive
by Kirah Ruth
Summary: I could never compete with Kikyou, Inuyasha... because after all... I'm still alive.
1. I'm still alive

Warning- character death. You'll hate me.

Disclaimer- Do I look like Rumiko Takahashi?

My tears were falling freely. I don't know if he knew I was there- and to be honest, I don't care anymore. What would he do if he did know? Make some laughable attempt to explain, or try to shrug it off...

But no. I wouldn't go through this anymore. I _couldn't_ go through this anymore. I knew exactly what he'd say- and I can't take it.

He doesn't need to say goodbye to my face.

He wouldn't say goodbye to my face.

Because I was going to be the last to know, wasn't I, Inuyasha?

Kikyo had won out.

I had always known Kikyou would win out. I had denied it, but he had feeling for her first... feeling he couldn't turn his back on.

I don't even think he tried.

No, of course he didn't. The way he held her, the way he whispered to her, the way he swore to do whatever she asked if it made her happy...

How could he ever feel that for me? How could I ever even _imagine _he felt that for me? After all she had done for him, how could I come close? He could never love me like he did Kikyo...

Because after all, I'm still alive.

She had died coming after him. Not for him, really- but she came after him, and she died.

How could I ever come close to that?

Would I die for him? Were my feeling that strong? I had never been sure before- but now, now it feels as though the answer was clear all along.

Yes.

But would I die because of him? Would the sword tearing through my heart devour my whole being?

Would he care?

Would he still be alive to care?

This thought brought a fresh wave of tears.

Inuyasha, don't die... If you don't love me, it's your choice, but... Inuyasha, don't die.

But of course he would die. He swore he would die! He would die with Kikyo because it was her wish... all this, all the times he protected me, all the times he worried about me...

They meant nothing.

Because all along, it was Kikyo.

Because I was alive. I was a annoying human girl who he needed to see the jewel shards.

I had wondered before why it was me. Maybe because Kikyo had refused, so he was forced to keep me around....

Maybe because I had the larger soul, and that had something to do with it. I wouldn't know. But he kept me around.

All the while, in love with Kikyo. "Why couldn't you love me, Inuyasha? Why couldn't you live?" I whispered raspily. "Why did it have to be Kikyo?"

Because Kikyo is dead.

Maybe he'd love me if I was dead... maybe I'd see him, just one more time, if I was dead.

Maybe he'd hold me like he held her if I was dead. Maybe I'd meet him in hell if I was dead.

And maybe... just maybe... he'd love me if I was dead.

I looked at the arrows on the ground next to me. My bow had fallen onto the grass... I was still in the Feudal Era, I realized... but I didn't care. My family could get by without me... they had for the last year, hadn't they? They didn't need me at all... Sango and Miroku could go on without me... I was nothing more than something else to look after without Inuyasha to protect me...

Oh, Inuyasha...

I picked up a single arrow, tracing my finger around the sharp point.

It drew a drop of blood, shimmering red.

That's what's wrong with me, isn't it, Inuyasha? I'm alive... I'm alive, and Kikyo is dead. Dead because of you... and so you owe her your life.

Would it be the same for me? Were we destined to die together, as you an Kikyo were?

Then I embrace my fate, Inuyasha. I will die with you...

"Because I love you, Inuyasha. But I could never compete with Kikyo... because after all... I'm still alive."

The arrow went throw my heart as I gave a last cry of agonized pain.

Are you happy now, Inuyasha?

A/N: Yes, I know you all probably hate me. And it's pretty badly written... It's very hard to put a story in someone's thought and still find out the details, but I hope you got the point.

Flames are expected, reviews are appreciated!


	2. Never again

I don't remember ever feeling this way before. I was beyond sad. My whole like was broken.

Why did she leave me forever? How could she?

This is what heartbreak feels like. Like your entire being was crushed, killed. Like you could never be happy again.

I can't even think of her name, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the image of her pale, lifeless body in my arms. But I still hear her last scream, I can still smell the putrid smell of her blood and tears. I cannot accept this.

She is not gone. She cannot be gone.

I open my eyes, as a tear falls onto her cheek.

Her skin is pale and flawless, but already it was being gripped by the coldness of death. Another tear falls.

_No..._

The setting sun glowed on her skin, reflecting off the beads of blood on her wrist and shirt, taunting me.

I cup her face in my hands, looking for a sign of life that I know, in my broken heart, will not come.

"I love you, Kagome..."

I embrace her limp form, feeling the last wisps of warmth leave her.

"Why? Why did you leave me?"

_flashback_

_"Kikyou... I know it was my fate to die with you. And I know that, in death, my life is yours"_

_She looked smug, like she had won. I knew this would break Kikyou's heart, but she had to understand. I took her in my arms, and dropped my voice to a sad whisper._

_"Kikyou... when I die, my soul will belong to you."_

_I pause, hoping that this is the right thing to do._

_"But not until I die. I swore to protect Kagome, and as long as she lives, so will I. I will not leave her."_

_I look up and step back, suddenly determined._

_"You will have to wait for me, Kikyou."_

_There was a sad pause, as Kikyou looked down at her feet, and a tear escaped her eye, seeming to take forever to fall to the ground._

_"Do you... do you love her?"_

_There was no question of this anymore. "Yes."_

_I unsheathed tetsaiga. "Kikyou... wait for me."_

_And in a blaze of light and movement, Kikyou's body returned to the ground it was made of._

_end flashback_

I had then followed Kagome's scent to the well, just in time to see her... her...

_Die._

It was as though thinking it made it absolute, and I held her tighter, my body shaking with sobs.

_Kagome..._

I took out tetsaiga, watching as the blade pulsed, and transformed.

_I swore to protect you... and I failed._

The sword seemed to come toward me, toward my heart, in slow motion. Yet nothing could hurt more then the pain I already felt.

_You never knew it, but I love you more than life itself, Kagome._

_And I'm so sorry._

My limp form fell soundlessly on hers as I embraced the eternal darkness of death.

A/N:Does that explain things a little? I know, this chapter wasn't as good, but I wasn't going to do a second chapter when I first thought of this story. I really don't expect reviews, but they're appreciated. Oh, and before I forget, I don't own anything that belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I don't even own this computer. You will get nothing if you sue.

-Kirah


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